In this issue: shocking tales from Pennsylvania Dutch Country, the editor meets his match on winding country road, tales of frozen milk and bowls of bacon, and more.

REVIEW
After reading Betty Maple's 'Mo Hotta Betta' - subtitled 'A Spicy Salsa Tale' - in THE HUNGOVER GOURMET #5, I almost feel an indigestive twinge of guilt for all the bad things that I've ever said about Ohio.

Almost.

Maple, a past contributor to the GOURMET, hails from Millfield, Ohio, and, like me, you're probably wondering just where the fuck that is. I've been to Ohio several times, but never once, that I can recall, to Millfield. And perhaps that's where I went wrong. Never having met a Buckeye so devoted to self-inflicted culinary delights as to include in her article five recipes for salsas and hot sauces. And while her chili con queso dip does call for one 'loaf' of Velveeta, at no time does she suggest a dab of French's mustard or a cup of crumbled Nilla Wafers.

Dan Taylor's own 'I Liked You Better with Your Shirt On,' however, strikes a little closer to home. In this piece, the GOURMET editor details his caloric intake through the atavistic heart of Pennsylvania Dutch Country, and it ain't all funnel cakes and lemonade. As Bismarck, I think, noted, those fond of political policy and sausage should never watch them being made. And yet we suffer no shortage of pundits, or Bob Evans restaurants. And it took more than Kelly McGillis scrubbing her tits to keep Harrison Ford down on the farm.

Like Taylor, he simply closed his eyes and savored the flavor.
-William P. Tandy (Eight-Stone Press), from Xerography Debt #8